Every time there’s a gleam of hope….. Somehow something or
someone pulls it away from me... Every time I see the light every time I come
nearer to my life someone something stops me... Diverts it to another path... Another
hurdle another close door... It is disheartening... Breaks my heart even more
and more... Throws me deeper in my sorrow n despair... In my abyss... The
journey to my life to my heart becomes cold... I don’t know why... But I guess I
do... Its not that I don’t do anything... Its not that I don’t give my all but
the more I push the more it pulls me back... I cry at nite and I swear at
heavens above... Is death the answer is it the only way to remove the grip of
fate... For if it is then I will embrace it….. I will fulfill the momentum to
which I believe I am being propelled to….. How can I escape this…? I believe I can’t
now it is too late.... I will prepare…. I don’t want to ask why anymore for I’m
not getting any answers…. I don’t want to seek advices for they are all the
same…. In the end the choice is mind and as always I will not regret it I will
stand my ground and I only ask God to have mercy on my soul….. It is perhaps
the only way for my love to live again for her to be free happy and at peace....
For my love ones to be happy and be comfortable….. And so I need to prepare….. And
be at peace….. Soon…….
You may ask why??? For
I’m nearing the end of my rope.... Hope is fading and my soul is dying…. My heart
pumps ever so slow ever so quiet…. You know if you are there…... You know the
feeling….. You smell the despair.... You see the darkness….. The coldness the numbness
envelopes you….. Perhaps you have been there….. I’ve never been there and I
wish no one should be where I am now…. I don’t think you are a coward if you
end the gift….. I don’t think it’s an easy way out because once you do it there
is no way out…. I am God fearing….. I believe in the goodness of God and Man…..
I believe in miracles and I believe in dreams….. I believe I am blessed….. And I
believe I am cursed.... I have made several mistakes and have hurt the people I
love most….. As the consequences of my choices I cannot amend….. I try so hard I
give all my resources and all that I have to make things right and yet it falls
short ever so short….. I so wish….. I so crave…... I kill and hurt to be with
you my love….. I cry shout and kick myself ….. I do things to make it happen
and yet it’s too slow or too short…. I know today what fate is saying I don’t
have the patience to wait any longer…. I know fate wants me to wait for she isn’t
ready….. I can’t anymore….. It so kills me……so destroys me...… so breaks me….. The
manifestation even becomes physical that I know it will only eat me up inside….
I know my heart my life waited as well but my heart my life isn’t prepared isn’t
ready…. I know coz I see what fate wanted me to see for quite a while now…. Its
just I refuse to see….. Cause I wanted so bad to be with my heart my life…. This
moment in my life the plateau of my life will turn on my on terms and my choice
will not be liked by my love but it is only way for my love and love ones to be
great and at peace….. And so it shall be done…..
Labels: experiences of life, wishes |
hey...r u still nt happy wid ur lyf..????