as you read this, have you ever felt this before?
> living your life each day as if you know what you want but deep inside of your fragile heart, is a heavy feeling that you can't get rid off because you already filled yourself with hate and bitterness from your former lover?
> even tho you know yourself that you still love that person and that you wanna be with that someone, you still refuse to say it just because that person did you wrong?
>when all you do is work on your pride and be on top because you got nothing else to hold on to?
> you try to forget things, because you know that if you remember your former, you'll be crying your ass off and you don't want to pity yourself no more so you'll rather go out there, and try to do new things and just have fun?
>when the only thing you wanted the most isn't your priority anymore becos it feels like, you're at the top of being the meany between you two?
> that the only reason that will soften your heart again and show that person your real color is when you hear that person crying on the phone already, begging you to come back to your old self just to be happy in the end?
hmmm... these questions.. the more you answer yes to all of these, the more your heart is numb.
believe me,, i've been there. and it's the worst feeling. it's like hiding yourself in a mask so that no one will recognize nor see the real side of you..
it's like trying to hold back your real feelings just to hurt that former lover you had even tho you still love that person.. you will try to act cool and be mean to that person whatever it takes just to hurt that person becos he/she hurted you..
it's like a revenge that bites you back becos, no matter how hard you try just to act tough, in the end, you'll still give in...
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yeah, that was what i felt before.. 2 year ago.. when my heart was numb the whole time... not knowing that things will only get worst becos i am not being myself.. this is a reflection from my past... it's been 2 years since i last felt that... and honestly, it's like hell... so those feelings i felt before? not gonna happen anymore..
during that time, i was still into my former lover.. now my ex...
but after 2 years, meaning the moment of truth that im facing now in my life, this is totally different. cos, my heart isn't numb anymore. this time is forreal. i am truly accepting all the pains, heartaches and sufferings for me to see my real self..
too bad, there's a big difference from 2 years ago and now.. cos this time., i don't want to get back with her anymore.. this time, it's about me and how to save what's left in me.. it's about standing on my own without her to support me, cos i am finally realizing that, not everything is about her. i can't live a life depending it on a gal even tho i still love her.. this time, my priority is my life, and how to love myself more..
it's the truth that i gotta face. it's nothing but the TRUTH. Labels: experiences of life |
