ME and MY LONELINESS: MY LOVE STORY

Today while I was having my last puff, something struck me, suddenly my past took over me and I recalled that it was all because of the so called one cigarette and my possessiveness, I had my 2nd breakup. I still remember the day, and I go back into my past.

16th April 2009, Thursday :- well it was her college holiday as there were elections in that area. And I was to go to meet her for last time and giving her a web design project which she asked me to do….. As I had to travel 170 km. I woke up early and got ready and went to railway station and at 6.30 am, I caught the train to berhampur. After 3 hours journey I reached berhampur and caught a bus , well its always difficult to go in buses there as they just fill it like humans are not in the bus but it’s a bus carrying animals. Well my destination was on gopalpur beach, where her hostel was. Well traveling like a animal in that bus for one hour took me to the destined place. After getting down I went straight to the beach near by. The beauty of the beach always attracts everyone. I got a bench near by and started waiting for her. As it was Election Day, the beach seemed to be lonesome. I call ed her to conform if she was calling and she said she was getting ready and going take permission from her warden. And I was waiting for her restlessly and she was in her hostel. I kept on waiting for three long hours and really they were very long…… den I got a call from her, “I won’t be able to come as its election day we are not allowed to go out”. And my frustration went high and I asked her to just come to the gate and take the project CD. While going towards her hostel, I got a cigratte and started having puffs, and by chance she saw me, I called me saying she didn’t liked me doing that. She came out my her friend , I gave her the CD and few chocolates I got her, that was the last time I saw her…. And den she never called me, nor picked any…… well that was my second breakup….

Well this never affected me coz in a week I got committed to her best friend and the story ahead to be coming soon.. so keep waiting… and I am still loving mah sutta and puffing….

I have already mentioned about my second break up, these lil break ups never made me sad and this time I was very lucky coz within a week I got into new. Let me tell you how it all started. Well she was one of my orkut friend Siya, whom I had been scraping since last December, but replies started coming in April, and we had just started chatting, after convincing her a lot I had got her cell number few days before my 2nd breakup. And it was 21st April 2009, something happened that brought us more closer.

21st April 2009, Tuesday: It was a fine day, and I was busy chatting to my buddies whole day in my bro’s cyber cafe and in evening Siya came online, we started talking and suddenly I marked that a guy behind me was to chatting with her and was asking her number, and within minutes she gave him her number and I don’t know why didn’t liked her and I called her and said, “ what the hell do you think of yourself, hitting your legs on axe, your numbers is going to spread now and you gonna get bogus calls and all, then don’t temme to help.” I disconnected the phone. After a while I realized I had overreacted and I tried calling her but her cell was switched off. And after 20 min she called me, I explained that I knew that guy and he would spread her no. and that was how we started talking, and that night we talked till late night…. We talked about us, our families, our past, my girlfriends and all. I don’t why I liked talking with her and I had not thought I was the beginning of a relation that would really come that close to me….

Next day I met her, as I had promised her to provide her a new sim as she was changing her number. I met her near her institute where she was taking engineering coaching, it was 9.30 am, I reached there near her insti, and we met talked for few minutes, she was not a beauty contest winner but a simple gal with power specs, 5ft 4 inces same as mine, yet had something in her that attracted me towards her, she had came with her friend Payal, who maintined few metres as if I would have eaten her away. Well it never mattered. I gave her the sim, had a small chat and returned back. Den we talked whole day and at night, she said she liked me… and I felt as if NO ONE IS A STUD OTHER THAN ME… I didn’t wanted to rush into it so asked her sometime…. And we talked whole night…. She was getting over me like a magic and I didn’t wanted the magic to end…… I too had started liking her……. The next day we had a small chat…..

23rd APRIL 2009, Thursday: As i mentioned earlier, today we had a small chat from which a small part I have shared:

ADITYA: I missed you a lot re
SIYA: you have gone mad
ADITYA: yaa I have
SIYA: whatever I said yesterday night, I m sorry 4 that
ADITYA: don't be, I am happy u told me
SIYA: I didn’t want 2 propose u
ADITYA: its ohk
SIYA: but I m not happy, I feel I hurt you
ADITYA: no re just need some time I want to say u yes but want to have some time
SIYA: dont worry I m here
ADITYA: hmmmm
SIYA: what’s ur plan for today
ADITYA: nothing, urs ??
SIYA: I too have no plannig
ADITYA: hmm
SIYA: i want 2 change my profile name
ADITYA: hmmm ;), I will do it for you
SIYA: how sweet
ADITYA: nothing for free :P
SIYA: acha, so what do u want from me
ADITYA: lots of care and the thing u said me yesterday
SIYA: ok but u hav 2 give me sumthing in return
ADITYA: wat, anything for you
SIYA: lots of love n care
ADITYA: sure
SIYA: adi i dont why I’m scared, I don’t want 2 lose u
ADITYA: you won't re , bas never go away from me
SIYA: ya i ll try
ADITYA: promise me
SIYA: siyadi= siya+adi
ADITYA: hmmm
SIYA: idiot change your relationship status,I am feeling insecure
ADITYA: hmmmmmm ohk I am changing to married
SIYA: if someone proposes you, what will I do
ADITYA: you are nuts, I am changing it tomarried, no one will ever propose
SIYA: na na change it to committed
ADITYA: ohk, happy
SIYA: hmmmm very happy
ADITYA: bas always be happy
SIYA: if you are happy, I am happy
ADITYA: its opposite re, you be happy and automaticly I will be happy
SIYA: wat happened
ADITYA: won’t you return to hostel, its already 1.30
SIYA: na don’t feel like leaving you and go
ADITYA: arey i am always with you

I never knew when i said her yes, and when I became hers...... but i really felt good whenever i talked with her, we started talking day and night, i was seen most of time talking on roads, home, on bed, whole night, whole day, every now and den..... some magic had taken over me..... i was mad in her love, after confessing i loved her.... i met her on 26th APRIL 2009....

26th APRIL 2009, SUNDAY: Well it was Sunday and we met in evening at BIG BAZAAR, she came there with her friend PAYAL, as Payal had to do some shopping, we all went around the mall, talking and all, at 6.pm while she was returning back, she asked me to accompany her till her hostel. As we came out of mall, we were to cross the road, and as we were to cross the road, she said she didn’t know how to cross the road and she held my hand, I didn’t knew what happened to me, I couldn’t understand what was going around me, after few seconds, I realized I was on middle of the road and she was holding my hand so that we could cross it. Soon we crossed the road, we moved towards her hostel, I said her good bye and returned, still dreaming and trying to realize what had happened. It was 1st time in my life, some girl had hold my hand other than my sisters. Well, that day everything changed.

We started meeting whenever we were free, we used to make small walks around her insti, hostel, malls, and whenever she would go to cyber café with her friend, we would sit in the stairs and talk while her friend used to chat on orkut. And at night we talked on cell. We never knew how time flew by, in mean while all her engineering entrances got over and her birthday came. But unfortunately she was going back to her home one day before. So we had a small treat for her friends two days before, and just a day she was leaving home, we spend the whole morning together sitting on the stairs of the same café we used to go. We talked about how much we would miss each other, and all. And I don’t know for the 1st time she cried while I was holding her, and she held me as if she would never let me go. And in evening she returned back with her dad. I really started missing her, we used to talk day and night still missed her the net moment. The only things I did was take tuitions on time, search job for myself and den get busying talking with her. I didn’t knew when may flew and June arrived.

June the month I went to her town to meet her, well on 16th June 2009, I went to meet her for 1st time, I took a bus and reached there in 3 hours, she was waiting for me on her scooty, I really love her scooty as it helped us to move around her place. That day we went to a temple near by den, we went for a ride, I was just so lovely sitting behind her and holding her tight, eating chocolates, it was just wonderful… and den it became in intervals I used to go there, spend few hours and come back home, I used to tell I have got interviews here and there at home. And use to have galla time with her. Once while having a ride, we enjoyed our 1st rain shower together and I was really a nice feeling, going for a ride in rain was just awesome. And I really like watching the rain drops exploring her face. That as the day when I took a important decision of my life, we both went to a temple and I tied her mangalsutra. And we were happy. I can never forget that day, it was 2nd July 2009. and our meets continued. Never her family members knew it nor mine. We continued to meet and on 28th July 2009, it was our last meet in her town. It was the day her dad was returning from hyderbad as he works there, and we were meeting for half and hour, but we got in lil trouble, as we used to meet and talk in deserted places, that day unfortunately, some bad guys caught us and said what were we doing there, and threatened us that would take us to police station if we didn’t cooperate, and they said to give them Rs 2000 or else would complain at her house. But some home we settled as we had nothing to give them. They let us go. And we returned back, after dropping me at bus stand she went to railway station to receive her dad. I too returned back, but after that day, things started changing and she started blaming me……… she was changing, but still we were going good. Gradually august went and September came , we continued our talks, but her family probs kept her tensed and all. And in the end of September she was to come back to bhubaneswar as she got admission in a engineering college.

As Einstein had once said: an hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour. And in the same way I couldn’t know how time was flying by, but September was bit boring. I too got busy with interviews and she got busy with her life at home, we talked on regular basis but still time had reduced, by mid September I got into Reliance call centre as a customer care executive, and had a shift of 4 pm to 12 pm, and there customers used to make me sick. I started feeling I am not able to give her time, but had probs at home so continue working, still we were going good, we could not talk as she too had probs in her family, and in the end of September , she came back for few days to join her college and den went back as she had durga puja vacations, I continued working and we had very lil time for each other. After returning to hostel, she got busy with her studies and me job, we talk less. I felt she was not giving me enough time. We had arguments on it. And I left the job as she said I had no time for her, so I started making time for her, and this is when things started going wrong. Every now and then we had small arguments. We rarely met, every time she had an excuse.

Things were not going right, I too was getting frustrated with life as I was not getting admission anywhere, had probs at homes, had no job, and fights with her started. And it was diwali day when had biggest fight, we had a great fight, we were to break up that day, but donno how, things changed still we moved on forgetting everything. Den we met quite often, went for walks, and gradually October ended and November game, we were back on tracks, I used to wait every morning and evening near Ram Mandir, for her bus to cross and I would have a glance of her. It had turned into a daily routine, I used to go to take tuition at 7. am and finish two tuitions by 10 am so that I could see her going in her bus. And in evening would wait till her bus came and then would go to do another tuitions. I used to take three tuitions. That provided me enough pocket money to manage my mobile bills. Then in November I used to go for training in international call centre, And I thought things were getting fine, I was happy again…..

November had arrived and I thought things were getting fine but in reality things went worse, and got to know many truths, I got to know that in October she had met wid a other guy, she was feeling attracted towards other guy, donno his name though. Well I could not control my anger, and we had a fight we were about to break up , and decided to do to mutually, we met and went to a park, we sat there for 2 hours talked and for the 1st time I cried like a baby, I donno I could not control my emotions I could not afford to leave her, I had never thought of living life alone. I requested her if we could continue together, and she said of it was my last chance, here you can know I was always responsible for my own fate…. And my possessiveness got me in trouble.

We continued and things were coming on track, one of those evening she was bunking her class and I had training in evening and before that we went for walk. We were having a walk after a long time….. and we came across a dark alley and I don’t know was it the weather, or the mood which look over her, she lunged forward towards me and our lips melted into each other. The chill of winter evening and warmth of her lips went through my mind. We had not done this for long time, and I felt we are back on track….. I just loved her and wanted her, she was just what I had, and happily November ended,

But I never had thought in the wildest of my dream that December had came wid an end to my relation, everything was going fine. We had small fights in between, but everything changed on 6th December 2009.

It was 5th December, 2009, we had a nice talk, at the day. At evening we made planning to meet and go to temple together in the morning, spend day together, have food together. And she said she would call me after having her dinner. We always used to talk after she took her dinner as her hostel rules were they should have dinner at 10 pm. Well that night I waited for her call and den I tried a calling her, her number said it was switched off, I kept on trying the nuber till morning as my sms got delivered but call could not connect, every 10 mins I tried calling, but could not connect.

6th December, 2009, Sunday: Next day at morning, I got ready and moved towards her hostel as we had planned to go temple together. I didn’t take my cycle as we would be together, I won’t be able to handle it. I went in auto. Still her number was switched off. When I asked her she said may be it was a network error. Then I called customer care to ask what problem it was, and I got a ans that she had diverted her number and the number was busy whole night. She had asked me to wait near her hostel and I was waiting, so I called her and asked for a clarification, temper had already taken over me and I had lost my thinking power. She said she was talking with her friend and had no idea I would be trying her. I asked her to come out of her hostel fast, she came and we went to the café premises we used to go regularly. There I asked for a clarification, there she told me that she had got a call from wrong number and she was talking with that guy the whole night. I just got furious hearing that, she putted her number in divert and was talking with a wring number. I shouted at her. And said why she did so. What did she think about herself? Didn’t she think how many times would have I tried? And she said she won’t go anywhere with me and she was going to break it up with me. I was furious so said fine. I was on top of my anger and I came back alone. I had hurt myself by punching the wall near by, and later on I realized the pain. The whole day I roamed here and there, puffing ciggys… that day I must have smoked two packs of ciggys…. In evening I called her to meet, and she came to return some stuffs, I had gave her, she gave me back my ring and mangalsutra, I had once given her, I gave a dairy in which I wrote poems for her. But she just said, she was in hurry as was to meet some of her friend. She saw me smoking, but went away. I followed her for longtime and saw she met a guy, I waited for long, but she always disconnected the call …. Den I saw both moving towards her hostel. Finally I she received my call, I asked her to meet in once in alone but she said no meet her in front of that guy. But finally she came to me and just I called her near me, she reacted I was a hungry wolf getting ready to take pounce out of her body. I just said thanks, never do this to anyone else and left. When I was returning back, I FELT LIKE SOMEBODY HAD DRIVEN A HOT RAM THROUGH MY CHEST. T STARTED FEELING DIZZY, IT WAS ALMOST LIKE EVERYTHING WE HAD ONCE DONE SUDDENLY FLASHED INFRONT OF ME. JUST LIKE LIFE DOES WHEN ONE IS ABOUT TO DIE. MY MEMORY FAILS ME BUT I WOULD HAVE. I was so tired by continuous walking that I went home and just had laid on bed that I slept. I didn’t had ate anything that day.

Next day, I went to take my tuitions, spend my day at café, still trying to recover myself it seemed me a bad dream. I tried calling her and she kept on saying not to disturb her as she was with that guy somewhere. At last she said she could meet me in evening the same café. I went to a shop and brought a pack of ciggys and a blade…. I kept on waiting in the dark corner in that café. And with every passing minute I starting cutting my wrist, and blood came out. I made approx 12 cuts and when she came I just handed her, her pic I had and said have a happy life ahead, she saw my bleeding hand and ciggy and left away with that guy on his bike. I was just left weeping on my fate.

I just now remembered once I had driven away everyone, now, it was me who was driven away, from friends. I had nobody to talk to, nobody to laugh with, nobody to cry with, and nobody to celebrate with….. I wanted nobody, I wanted her. I wanted the time she had promised me. But now it was all gone. I had been dumped, unceremoniously, painfully………

And this is how my lovestory came to an end…..

this was what was going for few nights inside me:-

Calm down, adi, this is going to pass, I told myself. This was the sensible me talking. No baby, this time you are so fucked. This is how you will feel for the rest of your life, the freake-out me said. That’s nonsense. Whatever crap happens in life, one gets used ti it. You aren’t the first guy facing a break-up, sensible-me said. Yes, but nobody loves the way I do. So, nobody feels as hurt as I do, freaked-out me said. Yeah, right, sensible-me said,and yawned, can we sleep? You know you need to.

Are you crazy? How can we sleep when we can stay up all night and worry about this? The freaked-out me said.

The world’s most sensible person and the biggest idiot both stay within us. The worst part is, you can’t even tell who is who.

There are things in life that are inevitable; I am powerless to control them. The Sun will rise and set, the tide will come in and go out, the seasons will change, the birds will fly South for the winter and return in the spring, and the caterpiller will transform itself into a beautiful butterfly. Somehow, I feel reassured by this because many other things in life are so transient - so momentary. And so is the feeling of being attacted towards someone. I am confussed, dunno what to do..........

SIYA SPEAKS

well what ever you are reading is aditya’s version, so he must had made me a bad gal , who was always wrong, who never did what he expected, but do you think if I am committed I don’t have a life of my own, my own wishes and the way I want to live life. You know he is a nice guy, cares a lot but the thing that is bad in him is he has no control on his anger, when he is angry, he speaks all sort of rubbish and shouts on you and when he reaches his house or someone is around him, he is a calm guy seeking sorry, who is sad for what he had said. But do you think once you hurt any one and so saying sorry and all. He get fraustrated very soon, and its because he had no job, his family’s probs, his dream was getting away from it. Well he is very convincing guy and can convince anything. But the thing was that we had left nothing to continue the relation, and I had told him the day I can learn living without you, I will leave you. And he knew this was going to happen one day. That day was just normal, I was talking to a wrong number and he made a big deal with it… and that day we broke up…. Still he offended me, seeked sorry, tried a lot to patch up. But this time nothing could be done. I feel it was coz of me he was not acheiveing things coz he all concentration was on me. The time we shared will always be the best time of my life. And i will always cherish having them. But to tell you one thing, NO GIRL CAN EVER STAY WID THIS GUY, COZ HE WANT YOU TO BE WHAT HE WANT AND NEVER CARES WHAT YOU WANT TO BE……

Aditya , akhir hai kaun hai? Log hamesha yeah soochte honge!!! Kayi toh milke bhi manna nahi chahate ke unke samne jo khada hai who aditya hai, aditya jiski pehchan bas uski awaz hai, warna samne aane pe log pehchane se bhi itra jate hain….. Kya Karen aditya is like that….. well yeh toh hai aditya…. Ab uski sooch, well aditya hamesha chahata hai ke use woh sab mile jo woh sapno mein dekhta hai, use apne banaye sapne ki duniya mein rehna pasand hai, who jise chahata hai use bas apna banna chahata hai, kisi aur ke saath sooch bhi nahi sakta jo uski sabse buri adapt hai….. woh chahkar khud ko badal nahi pa raha, woh kabhi apne gusse pe kabu nahi kar pata aur woh kabhi apne dil ki baat kisi se nahi keh pata.. aditya net pe kisi ko kuch bhi samjha sakta hai, par jab samne baat karma pade toh who bhigi billi ban jata hai. Bas aditya ki itni burai thik hai, ab uske friends… well who ek choto se list hai,

1- Vicky – jise woh bachpan se janta hai
2- Lucky – jo uski pearl friend hai
3- Tweety – aditya ki better half, started from orkut now in real life
4- Riz – ek sweet friend from orkut
5- Elddy friend – well-wisher n guide

In mein se lucky now is silient type, kabhi kabhi baat karte hain unka mann karta hai jab tab…. Tweety n Riz, aditya ka kafi khayal rakhte hain…… Elddy friend guides him when he is confused…. Vicky is his buddy, batch mate, etc………… he himself doesn’t get clear and is confused… now lets not talk… it was all about aditya and people around him..
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